There’s something almost festively ironic about a show centring around a character having a bit of an identity crisis suffering from one itself.

Part musical theatre. Not quite pantomime. No longer audacious, arena ‘spectacular’. Jon Conway’s touring production of Elf the Musical is a bizarre, confusing beast. A hodgepodge chimaera of fleetingly amusing festive highs swung about with distracting technical lows and some choice creative decisions that don’t so much gel into a festive whole as scattershot into bemusement.

It’s a bit akin to a real life version of one of the show’s manic snowball fights. At first it seems like a good, fun idea, is initially entertaining, peppered with moments of fun and thrill, but ultimately sees you walking away with that cold, soggy, sinking feeling of regret.

Full disclosure; Conway and co are clearly pitching this broad and young. It isn’t so much for the gnarly, grizzled theatre critics as it is for the very (very) young, and in the performance reviewed, they absolutely ate it up.

And yet, there’s no shying away from that brand recognition. It follows the basic premise of the 2003 Will Ferrell vehicle of the same name, which sees a human (Jordan Conway) raised in the North Pole by Santa’s helpers heading off to New York in search of his family. There’ll doubtless be significant chunks of the audience along for the ride in the hopes of seeing a festive favourite transplanted to stage.

As an adaptation, Thomas Meehan and Bob Martin’s book stays fairly faithful and mostly works, checking off the most iconic catchphrases and beats from the film. Matthew Sklar and Chad Beguilin’s music is serviceable and suitably jaunty throughout, and perhaps unsurprisingly it works best when it’s (rarely) allowed to go full musical theatre, such as a fun extended tap number in Macy’s.

“As an adaptation, Thomas Meehan and Bob Martin’s book stays fairly faithful and mostly works, checking off the most iconic catchphrases and beats from the film.”

Some of Tim Goodchild’s staging from the former arena iteration of the show carries across well, and makes certain sequences, such as the aforementioned Macy’s grotto, look genuinely quite impressive and eye-catching on the Wolverhampton Grand’s stage. Giant inflatable candy canes and enormous Christmas Garland being winched up into the rafters keep things like suitably Christmassy and showy, though it only serves to draw a beadier eye to other set pieces which are reduced to nothing more than a bench on stage (and often even less than that).

Sadly, recurrent tech and sound problems were the least of the distractions in the performance reviewed. What must be some of the worst projection and video work seen in a show to date are genuinely horrible throughout. At best, they feel like cheap, royalty-free plunges from Google or Youtube, at other times they actively detract from the story being told. Why are we seeing a giant video of gingerbread men gyrating about in an oven when we’re supposed to be in a department store?

That character whose ultimate dream is to see snow, and the very realisation of this – spoilers – proves a major turning point for her come the finale? Well, maybe just try and disregard the fact that a few scenes earlier she was prancing around in front of a backdrop of New York quite literally bathed in snow.

What’s that, little girl? You saw Rudolph’s nose glowing bright and guiding Santa’s sleigh? Not according to the projections (and even some earlier dialogue) you didn’t. Say what, Buddy? Santa’s sleigh has crashed in central park? Then why is the very next thing we see is him zipping through the Manhattan skyline at a pace even Spider-man would tremble at?

It would be less egregious if they weren’t so consistently the central focus of the staging, often required to do a lot of the heavy lifting of setting a sense of place.

Coupled with the recurrent sound issues and the odd flubbed line and the overall effect is one of those cheap Temu christmas ornaments that arrive looking a lot less impressive than they did online.

“…the overall effect is one of those cheap Temu christmas ornaments that arrive looking a lot less impressive than they did online.”

It certainly doesn’t help that the company assembled for the tour – many of whom are veterans of the production, having starred in it for quite literally years – are a mixed Santa sack. Barry Bloxham is decently cantankerous as Buddy’s overworked, long-lost father, Walter, charting his character’s Scrooge-esque arc well. Nikita Coulon delivers arguably the best vocals of the night and manages to scrape off the excess cheese foisted on her character. She’s admirably supported by a solid Karis Lomax, gender-swapped and feeling perhaps a smidgeon too old here for some of the material her character is given. Natalie Gray and Dafydd Lansley give what are probably the most characterful and animated turns of the night, whilst Philip Day gives good Santa, even if his Act 2 ensemble number turned into a bit of a messy, undisciplined shambles.

Kelly Banlaki gives good choreo and a suitably quirky take on Buddy’s love interest, Jovie, whilst the younger audience members ate up the broader strokes of Jordan Conway’s performance as Buddy. But for such an iconic character (reinterpretation or no) it feels surprisingly aimless and underpowered. At times offering up flashes of Ferrell’s turn in the original film, elsewhere deviating more into panto fool territory, it’s a meandering and confusingly underpowered performance that occasionally, jarringly dials it up to eleven. Conway clearly exhibits some skill in physical comedy – arguably his best moment is an extended bit of workplace tomfoolery with one of his father’s office staff – but as a musical theatre performance, it frequently flatlines.

“Conway clearly exhibits some skill in physical comedy – arguably his best moment is an extended bit of workplace tomfoolery with one of his father’s office staff…”

It feels particularly miserly (and may etch me firmly on the naughty list) to aim this at such a light-hearted piece clearly pitched to family audiences, but if nothing else, Elf has the ignominy of featuring what are possibly some of the worst vocal performances this particular reviewer has heard in a professional production.

It’s unfortunate – particularly for someone who is a sucker for all things Yuletide – that the ingredients… or at least, recipe… are certainly here for a fun, festive offering. It has one wondering whether the current London production, starring Joel Montague and Carrie Hope Fletcher, might hold more festive promise (and certainly at least look and feel a little less… well, cheap).

If you’re in the market for an evening of pleasant, mildly diverting seasonal distractions… then there are moments of panto-y, family fun (but even then there are far better alternatives to enjoy this Christmastime). Die-hard fans of the film will likely find this invocation an underwhelming one, though as mentioned the younger audience goers seemed to be gobbling it up like festive candy.

Switch off your brain and adjust your expectations somewhere below am-dram and you’ll likely find a diverting couple of hours of tinselly nonsense here, but go in expecting a musical theatre production as fresh, energised and memorable as the film that inspired it, and you may end up feeling like you’ve opened a parcel of coal.

A nightmare before Christmas?

That would be harsh, but you certainly wouldn’t be a cotton-headed ninny muggins for giving this particular sleigh ride a skip…